BEACHBUMMING IN PHUKET

As a lad, Kevin Cooney was drawn to the beach and loved nothing better than to strip off to his trunks on the sand in the hope of achieving two constant objectives: a tan and a girl. Quite a bit older and a little bit wiser, he finds the sun now suggests melanoma and as for stripping off, he’s certain he would attract only the mordantly curious. His solution: beach bars.

The beach still beckons. The crinkly squint needed to survey the scene at noon, the polished feeling of your feet after a long walk in the sand, the salty tightness of your skin after letting yourself dry off in the air after bathing in the sea, still bring me to the water’s edge.

Now, however, once there what I require most is a shady place to sit and something cold to drink.

I need a beach bar.

Phuket, to where I retired after 30 frenetic years in the wire-service business, has many glorious beaches and scads of decent bars, but rarely do the two come together into that fine tropical invention, the beach bar. Thais are eaters and even when they get together with friends for drinks they like to gather round a table to eat as well as drink the night away. The beach bar caters for those with less planning ability or fewer friends. A bench for your butt, a plank for your poison and an ice chest are really all that is required, a simple place to make new friends or turn your back on the old.

Like most of life’s truly great simple things, say a roast chicken or a saucy wink on first acquaintance, beach bars are easy to ruin.

Music often does them in. The thump, thump, thump that gets people roused up and rushing into drinking establishments in Patong, is more likely to send people scurrying away when transposed to the beach. A television immediately turns a beach bar into a sports or CNN bar or a staff-watching-soap-opera bar.

Inconsistent refrigeration is another bugbear. The only thing worse than your first beer of the day being served warm is when the first one is cold but the second one ain’t.

Exhaustive research over the past seven years has led me to regard a handful of the island’s beach bars as always acceptable and sometimes exceptional in value for those who appreciate what they have to offer.

My favourite is Nikita’s Barin Rawai, at the southernmost end of the island. Rawai Beach – take the road from Chalong Circle straight south as far as you can – is very popular among Thais, who crowd it at the weekend to sit in the shade of pine trees and eat barbecued chicken and fish.

Rawai is not a swimming beach, but rather a tidal flat that is part of the sea at high tide. That may not sound very attractive, but the movement of the tides, the sight of local sea gypsies poking for shellfish, the fishing boats moving back and forth in the channel, the sun setting over the islands a mile across the tide, make it a very special and attractive place indeed.

Nikita’s is a thatched hut four feet from a breakwater. It houses a wooden bar, seven rattan barstools long and two deep. It has TAC (Thai Air Conditioning), which means a breeze is always running through it from somewhere. The roof comes down close to the ground to keep out the glare. Nikita’s is cool on the hottest days and dry when it rains. The beer is cold and the cocktails fun and not expensive.

What it lacks in the way of sandy beach, Nikita’s makes up for in attention to detail and old-fashioned good service. The plants, trees and flowers among the tables that extend from the hut are beautiful. The staff is always being trained, but needs no lessons in charm and friendliness.

Niki the proprietor pays a lot of attention to what her customers want and this is demonstrated in her eclectic taste in music, which stretches from jazz, to classic pop and rock and some stuff I have never heard before but seems spot on for her place.

Good food can be delivered from restaurants in the neighbourhood.

Having spent considerable time defining beach bars as places of simplicity and rustic charm, I would now like to recommend a place that is quite a considerable establishment. The Chalong Lighthouseis a bar, restaurant and guesthouse on the beach at Chalong Bay – take the east road from Chalong Circle to the Pier and make a left.

It is a large two-storey building with, yes, an attached lighthouse. What, I think, qualifies it as a beach bar is that the wall that faces the sea isn’t there. The entire beach frontage of the place is open to the elements and the view of scores of yachts at anchor in Chalong Bay.

The bar itself is beautiful, built from thick wooden beams, the barstools are comfortable, the beer is chilled in huge ice chests and the food is stick-to-your ribs Western or nicely prepared Thai.

On the other side of the island, at Kata Beach, is the very special Ska Bar. Park or get your taxi to drop you off in the public lot next to the Kata Beach Resort and walk south on the beach past the resort until you run out of beach. The Ska is built amid the roots of a centuries-old tree and the huge boulders that mark the end of the Kata strand.

The branches of the tree keep it cool and dark even on the sunniest days. It is small, with seating for maybe 20 tightly packed people, which leads to an intimate party atmosphere. The style is Reggae and the music is wonderful and played late into the night.

For those staying on the north of the island near the airport, Nai Yangis the place. Follow the signs to the Crown Nai Yang Suite Hotel – and enter quite a large complex of restaurants, bars, tailor shops, film stores, etc., which resemble a Patong of 15 or 20 years ago. The area right on Nai Yang is a lot of fun and you won’t need shoes to get around. Recommended beach bars are the Mr. Kobi Bar – “Broken English spoken here” – and Khaow & Erick Bar, a lovely, well maintained spot right on the beach

Southern Phuket’s best kept secret, Nikita’s at Rawai is one of the island’s favourite watering holes. The absolute seafront, garden sala café-bar with fantastic island views, a shady setting and deliciously cool sea breeze is unbeatable for relaxing away balmy afternoons and evenings. Time means nothing at Nikita’s. Located on peaceful Rawai Beach, Nikita’s well-trained team offers real Thai hospitality to guests - who sit happily, daydreaming for hours, observing life on the water and chatting with friends. The extensive menu of authentic Thai specialty meals, light snacks and western favourites - along with a quality selection of fine wines by the glass, cool cocktails, icy cold beers, delicious fruit shakes, an excellent coffee menu and service with a smile - seems to be a winner with visitors and the many frequent locals who make Nikita’s a second home. Dine or relax under sala, at garden tables or outdoors by the seaside. Great food, great music, great wine, great friend